Head or heart
by WordsInTheRain
Summary: My take on what happens after 2x10. Jaspenor One-Shot. Eleanor has to face a decision. She told him to leave and not come back. So, why is the thought of him actually leaving so unbearable? Rated T for the language and scenes.


**A/N: This is my take on what is one of the billion of possible scenarios for 3x01. Jaspenor One-Shot Fic, Enjoy! Reviews are very much appreciated! (It'll take you just a few seconds and a mean the whole world to me** **) Also, English is not my native language. If you find some grammar errors I´ll be happy to correct them :)**

 **(This used to be, but no longer is a songfic)**

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Flashing lights followed by repeated shouting. They were blinding her with the flash of cameras once again. Eleanor's head was spinning. She was just about to cry. This was too much.

Jasper was making their way through the crowd and was partly covering her. Eleanor felt so weak until he grabbed her. This sudden grip of his hand around her tiny waist made her feel secure. She managed to look at him for the first time. He was trying to do what was in his power to keep every annoying paparazzo away from her. He looked so determined to keep her safe; she felt a little smile appear on her face. She will be alright, he will protect her. And in that very moment, she saw him as the Jasper who cared about her. The man, who helped her sneak out to the hospital, to see her father. The man, who was there to protect her under that bridge from Roberts's killer. The man, who kept an eye on her, when she wandered alone around the world. The man, who wouldn't rest until he would find her father's killer. The man, who pressed that button, just, so she didn't have to.

When they got into the car, Eleanor lay down exhausted and fell asleep. She was awakened by a light breeze, but her feet weren't touching the ground. She realized that she was in Jasper´s arms. He carried her from the car to the palace.

When he saw her eyelids flicker, he looked at her softly but distant and said: "It's okay Princess, you are home, it's over."

With those words she let her eyes close again, but didn't allow herself to sleep. She just pressed her head tighter to his chest. That familiar cologne he always wore, drifting past her nose made her feel calm. When they approached her room, he laid her gently on her bed and covered her with her blanket. She knew he was standing there for a while, she felt his stare. Eventually, he sighed quietly and she heard his footsteps heading towards the door.

She froze not knowing what to do.

Her mind started to panic _._

 _What if he left, just like I told him to? Would he just disappear without saying goodbye? What if he thought that it would be easier this way? And why do I bloody care? I asked him to._

Eleanor was caught by surprise when she heard her own voice cutting through the silence.

"Jasper!"

It sounded more like a shriek.

No response.

Eleanor pressed her eyelids tighter and clenched her hands into fists, to avoid the tears that were coming. She was so vulnerable after all what has happened today.

A little ray of light came through, as the door opened.

"Yes, your highness?" his voice sounded insecure.

One simple sentence, and yet it caused her such a relief _._

 _But again, why? She thought._

"You are still here," she said, unable to hide the surprise in her voice.

He was silent. He was obviously wondering how she meant it.

Eleanor was now sitting on her bed.

After a while, he replied: "Yes, I will be here until Mr. Hills arrives, he is with Liam. Um, I meant his Highness prince Liam."

He was just about to turn around.

"Come in." She mumbled and he didn't hear her.

"Pardon me?"

"I said, come in," Eleanor repeated herself a little bit louder.

"As you wish, your Highness." He said overwhelmed, closing the door.

He walked in and sat on the chair beside her bed. Now that he was so close to her, although the room was dark, she could see how worried and intimidated his face was. He was avoiding her gaze.

"And for God´s sake, please drop the titles."

"Okay, Princess."

Eleanor rolled her eyes.

Silence filled the cold, dark room. Eleanor was the first to break it.

"You kept your word, you said that you will be there with me and you were. Without you, it wouldn't work out the way it did. You took the burden away from me, and it wouldn't be fair to ask you to leave. After all that you have done for us. Liam is counting on you now, he trusts you. You don't have to leave if you don't want to."

"I don't want you to say that just because of what I did, you owe me nothing."

"No, not anymore, we're even now."

Another silence.

"Eleanor, when Liam trusts me….do you think that you'll ever be able to trust me again?"

He wasn't even trying to fake his accent anymore.

"What?" She didn't think that she will get used to his directness.

"In the tunnel, you said that you don't trust me, and in that moment…, he swallowed and looked down.

 _I felt like I lost you forever, he thought._

…"It's just that I thought you were just a stupid spoiled party girl. My task was simple: get in, steal the Koh-I-Noor and take off as soon as possible, before anyone finds out. But when I got to know the real you….along the way I realized that I have feelings for you. And I may have had them since the beginning. It wasn't a part of the plan and I didn't know what to do. I knew that I wouldn't be able to follow through with the whole stealing part. But Samantha or Mandy she didn't listen to me when I told her to stay away from you. She knew I was screwed. I begged her not to hurt you. "

"Jasper…"

"No, let me finish, when I left that night… I left just to get your earrings when I came back and saw you in that bumper car-"

"-dodger," she interrupted him.

Then it hit her.

"Wait, you were there?"

"Yes, and what I saw broke my heart. I hated myself because I knew I was the one who was responsible for it. "

Tears slowly filled the corners of his shark blue eyes.

 _You have no idea how I felt,_ _she thought, staring at the floor._

It all came back to her, the betrayal, loneliness, emptiness, pain, the heartbreak.

"For a second I thought that I should turn around and leave, that I have done enough harm and I should finally let you in peace." He swallowed hard and continued: "But I couldn't. I knew I had to make it up to you. I knew that you will probably never trust me again, and you will never give me a second chance. And even though it brings me so much pain every day to be near you and not being able to be with you, I know I did the right thing. Also, I couldn't have left knowing you could be in danger, with your father's killer on the loose."

He made a small pause then continued : "All that I have done was for you, to protect you… to make you see how sorry I am. So my question is do you think you could ever trust me again, do you really want me to stay?"

She still hasn't looked at him.

"If you don't, I understand, like I said what I have done to you is unforgivable… But in that case, there is no point for me to stay any longer. It will be hard for you, and painful for me. And although I think I know the answer already; I want to hear it from you."

He looked like he was about to have a breakdown.

"Jasper, I..."

"Listen, Eleanor", his voice was becoming more and more desperate." If I could go back in time and change it, I would. But without my bad intentions, I would have never even met you. And without lying about that video you would've fired me…"

"God, would you just let me fucking say something bodyguard?!"

A small grin appeared on his face.

"I don't know. I don't even know if I can trust myself. Everyone is pretending, no one is to be trusted. The man, who watched me grow up, whom I trusted, killed my father. Dominos family is after us and plus that possible monarchy abolishment, I could lose the only life I've ever known. Everything is just so messed up right now."

 _Eleanor has tried a lot of drugs in her life, but none of them was as addictive as the man sitting right in front of her. Jasper effing Frost was wrong for her in every single way possible. Somehow she never felt anything like this for anyone, not even Beck. But, he hurt her so badly, and she wanted him to go, to leave all this pain behind, and to start over. Still, there was something about him, that made her heart want to jump out of her chest, whenever he was near her._ _One part of her wanted him to stay so much it scared her; the other knew the consequences_.

"It´s okay I get it, and honestly, you deserve so much better," his voice was already quavering. "But before I leave let me tell you three things."

"First of all, this is your life, Len. Not theirs, not your mothers, no one's but yours. No matter what happens, do what you want with it. You have such a big potential to accomplish great things. You are the strongest person I've ever met; I know you can do it."

"Second of all, and the most important thing is that you are loved and definitely worthy of being loved. Don't you ever let someone to convince you otherwise."

He took a deep breath and said : "Bye, my Princess."

"Wait, you said three, and that was only two," she said, just to buy some time.

She couldn't believe that he was just about to really leave. She didn't know what she wanted anymore.

"The last thing is way too selfish. It isn't fair to you. I don't deserve to have the satisfaction to tell you that. I deserve to live with the regret that I never did tell you."

"I want to hear it, and as a princess, I command you to tell me," She said, her voice rather plummy.

"I think that you already know it."

"Know what exactly?" she said teasingly, but already afraid of the answer.

 _"I.. I love you , Eleanor. I love your stubbornness and your fire, your big wounded heart. I love it all. And honestly, I don't fucking know what I'll do with my life the moment I walk through that door. I mistreated the princess but fell in love with a girl without the crown. I will hate myself for hurting you till the end of my days. I'm so sorry._

That's what he wanted to say. But when he opened his mouth, nothing came out. He couldn't form a simple word to save his shitty life. His lips were trembling but he didn't say anything.

Somehow his painful look said everything she needed to know.

 _All she ever wanted was for someone to love her for **who** she is. Not for **what** she is._

Her mother was right; no one has ever looked at her like that before. He looked so devastated, so broken. Jasper Frost, the man who never showed what he was feeling was here, in front of her, heartbroken.

It seemed like none of them was in control now.

She stood up, walked over to him, and sat in his lap. It took her a second until she could meet his eyes. When she found the courage to face him, she traveled over his face with her gaze, carefully examining every inch of it. His scared, pleading, hurting eyes made her heart ache. She noticed the bags under his eyes. She surely wasn't the only one suffering from sleepless nights.

He was so surprised by this action that he was short of breath. Her face was so close to him, he could practically feel her breathing against his skin. Her tired, beautiful hazel green eyes were stabbing him like a knife.

"I hate you so much, Jasper. I hate you so bloody much," she whispered to his ear.

He swallowed.

"And I can't believe what I'm about to do."

She tilted her head to the side and pressed her lips to his very gently, he kissed her back impatiently and it quickly turned into a fierce and passionate kiss. She could feel his rushed heartbeat through his shirt. Suddenly was one of his hands in her hair, gently pulling on them; the other was wandering up and down her exposed back. He groaned loudly, and it vibrated against her lips. Eleanor responded by grabbing onto his collar eagerly, to pull him closer to her, deepening the kiss, while desperate moans escaped from her mouth. His tongue rough in her mouth, he tasted like whiskey. Every one of his touches started a fire inside of her, and her body was aching for more. God, it's been so fucking long, she missed this, and she missed him.

He parted his lips from hers, leaving her confused. They both still gasped for air. He tangled his fingers with hers.

"I don't deserve this," he said finally, breathing heavily as their foreheads rested against each other.

"No, you really don't," Eleanor said, still feeling a little giddy from the kiss. "But we never really made sense anyway, so there might be hope for you yet, Jasper from Las Vegas," she said with a grin.

It was as if a heavy weight was lifted away from her. All that anxiety fell off. She stood up, and headed to the bed, not letting go of her hand; Jasper followed her and lay next to her. She rested her head on his chest and let him put his arm around her, then he placed a small kiss in her hair as he watched her fall asleep, safe in his arms.

He was afraid to close his eyes; he felt like the happiest man alive and wanted this moment to last forever, in case she wakes up in the morning and changes her mind. He wouldn't blame her, but he hoped she won't. Eventually, his eyes closed as well.

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 **Sooo? Did you like it? If you did, let me know, and I might write another fanfic :)**


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